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This post may not be a very accurate description of my general day-to-day life at colledge or my permannent feelings, this is just how I feel at the moment - and some of that may be generally correct, some may be just feelings of the moment.

Right now I feel a bit poopey. I'm tired and fed up that it's the holidays. I'm back in G-town which is great, and I'm at the home of a very close friend who I love very much :-)
But I feel weird...maybe it's work tiring me out, or me missing colledge, or being so close to what is now my "normal" life, but not quite there.
Or maybe it's just I feel like we're growing apart, and I feel a little foolish and silly.

And I miss my bands - it was all starting to come together a bit - I was really singing and fronting a band. And I still haven't had my first practice with my backing band! I just hope I can pull it off in a gig...

And my musical...GAH! I want to write this SO MUCH! It's just, I don't know if I can...it's so hard, and I'm so young, and I'm nowhere near musically talented enough to write a full score! Lyrically though, I think I am, but I don't want that...this is my project, it is my vision entirely and I have to be the driving force behind it! It's just so hard...

Anyway, I have moped a bit now, I don't really know why...

Oh and I feel I should add, this music colledge is the best thing that's ever happened to me! I'm so proud of it, to be a part of it, and I love the opportunitites it has given me and the people I have met (mostly...)

Anyways I'm gonna go, bye xxxxx

 
 
As I sit here alone in my house wearing the t-shirt I abought at Hair and about to change into the RENT shirt I bought on the corner of 46th street and 8th avenue, I am reminded of how much - already - I miss New York.
It truly is strange how you can feel less alone in a huge, gridded city full of strangers, than in your own hometown!

So, as I wallow in my own self deprecation, I feel I maybe want to share another day - or at least another few eisodes of a day - in New York City!
And this time, it's gonna be my pilgramage to the East Village, and I will share with you what occured on my first solo-flight journeys round the city on a sunny Monday while my cousin was at work!

As any real RENThead will know, in the back of the official RENT book is a double-page spread showing the East Village and a portion of the West Village, and on it are marked 10 places of interest that featured either in the musical or in Jonathans' life!
Unfortunaely, when trying to use a photocopy of this map as guidance to the REAL East and West villages, you see it is increddibly hard to follow...but I managed it anyway!

When my cousin first dropped me off right at the south tip of Manhattan and told me how to get to Broadway so I could find my bearings, I must admit I was raaather nervous! All of a sudden I was alone in a city I didn'tknow, nor had ever been to, that was not onlyfamous for its landmarks and tourism, but for preying on said tourists who go around it!
So I walked up Broadway...a looong way up Broadway to be precise, hot, hungry and scared - not having the courage to actually go in anywhere and order some food, until I got to my like 10th Starbucks on the road and thought fuckit - quite frankly I need a break!
So I sat down with my blueberry scone and soya latte (WHY DO THEY USE VANILLA SOY!? If I wanted vanilla I would have asked for a fucking shot of it!!! WTF!?) and compared both the black and white photocopied map from the RENT book and the map that might actually help me find my way around!
At this point I must admit, I was still rather nervous...unsire whether the East Village would be what I hoped it would be, or what I feared it might be! But I sucked it up and found the road I needed to go down, and began my journey.
I have to say, the moment I put my ipod in and Jonathan Larsons' genius mix of music and lyrics started flowing through my brain, the whole atmosphere of the day changed, and I was ready to finally undertake my pilgrimage of RENT!

The moment I found myself in the REAL East Village I was overwhelmed by its sense of history - not American history like the Statue of Liberty can give, or architectural greatness like the Empire State Building - but its history of humanit, of hardship, of good old fashioned fun, but most of all, of creation!
The first RENT landmark I saw on my trail today was the Community Garden on 6th Street and Avenue B! (I'd kind of walked past where "Friends in Deed" - ie the basis for the "life support" section of RENT - was without actually seeing whether or not it was still there, and then proceeded to get a little bit confused as to my direction, but had finally reached the avenues of the East Village!)
Behind the bars was a mass of greenery, overgrown and falling over, with teracotta pots and garden wiring peeking through every now and then. It was the true Bohemia of gardens! A mishmash of nature and stone. But unfortunately, there as no giant Christmas tree sculpture that I could see, which is the reason it is mentioned in RENT!

Next up was Tompkins Square Park, the staging of the riot at the end of Act 1 and notorious for episodes like that occuring.
It is a cultural and social hub, with children playing in the play area with their parents, elderly people sitting round the chess tables waiting for their friends to join them, and men doing pull-ups on bars and playing basketbal in the corner!
It was here I really started to feel like a part of the action. As I walked past a black man relaxing on a bench just said to me, "you're a beautiful lady - God bless you," with a genuine smile as I walked past. It just seemed like a place of great community and togetherness, and my worries began to eb away even more!

After walking round most of the outside of the park - as I had no idea which end I'd come out of - and ofcourse it was the furthest one away! - I found the corner where the Life Cafe stood! I had been in there previously and had the Huevos Rancheros so I'd experienced that RENT elation as we had sat by the RENT wall with my cousin on the Jonathan Larson bench - and I had signed the "RENThead register Volume 4!" but it was still cool to see it on the day of my great pilgrimage! It also helped give me a bearing of where the hell I was!!!

Next up was the 11th Street vacant lot - staging of Maureen's protest! As I walked down the street I tried to imagine where the lot much once have been, imagining the street as it once was.
You will not BELIEVE my shock then when I looked across the road and there before me, was an old, overgrown ABANDONED FUCKING LOT! - I mean I can't possibly say for sure if this is the one mentioned in RENT, but think about it - it was one of the only abandoned lots I saw in the East Village, it had clearly been left like that a long time, and it was right slap bang in the middle of 11th street!!!

Even in the spaces between my destinations I began to notice throwbacks to the days of RENT - the graffiti art on random street corners, the abandoned rusting supermarket trolley left by a signpost that I could just SEE the tramp by shouting "who the fuck do you think you are!?" at Mark, the higgledy piggledy buildings all completely different to the next but somehow fitting together so perfectly - and the fire escapes on either side of the road, like the opening of the film version!

Next on the list, was the New York Theatre Workshop! - but I believe I went through St Marks first. This is wher I REALLY started feeling at home! Despite the fact I was COMPLETELY lost, a woman actually came and asked if I knew anywhere you could buy chea handbags - the kind of thing only a frequenter or a native would know! - I said no I didn't an that rined the pretence a bit, bu what the hel!
I even got stopped by a guy working for one of those charities who recruit donators off the street! IM NOT EVEN AMERICAN! The fight for free and easily available healthcare and pro-choice ethic of much of the New York City inhabitants does not afect me yet!
But it was cool and we actually got talking for quite a while! He asked me out for coffee on the Wednesday! which unfortunately I couldn't go to as I was seeing family back in Mahopac, but I now have him on facebook! (I think he might have a girlfriend though. Hmm...)

So anyway - The TYTW. When I saw the sign for the workshop, my breath hitched in my throat. This was it! The place which started it all! The place that gave Jonathan Larson the platform and the support he needed to create his masterpiece - and while doing that, completely change the face of New York theatre forever! - It was emotional standing in the place which holds so much theatre history! Thinking "this is where Jonathan came and went every day, this is where Idina got her first big break - this is where it all got refined and recreated! This is where history occured!!!"
It was just a really potent emotional response that I felt, raw and real.

But I was to move on...and after walking past the shop that ued to be CBGB's and spending a little time in Maccy D's with a cold cup of coke and emptying my near to bursting bladder (looooovely) - also figuring out my next route - I was off to the West Village to find the Moondance Diner, and the Holy Grail - Jonathan's apartment building!
Unfortunately the Moondance Diner is no longer there. A lot of that area is being rebuilt and so it has been taken down. I knew it had closed down, but I still hoped it might at least still be stading! But alas it was not, so I moved on to finding Greenwich Street!

I FOUND IT! I bloody found it! And as I walked along it - again I imagined Jonathan Larson coming and going, and I tried to find a building that looked similar to the tiny little grey picture on my scruffy photocopied map!
The moment I saw it - like with the Theatre Workshop - my heart skipped a beat. It was so unmistakably the building on my map! No matter how many times I checked and compared, it became nothing but more and more clear that this was the building Jonathan created his legacy in!
This was the most emotional part of my journey, seeing where a life lived, but a place where a life that deserved so much more, was cut to a short end. He lived there, with his hopes and dreams...and he died there, surrounded by the show that would change his life forever - had he lived to see it go on!
A tear escaped my eyes, a couple of tears as I thought about where I was and everything I had seen, what I hd yest to see that he never would...the fact that I never actually got to see his legacy on a Broadway stage. Because as much as I had an AMAZING time, it was with a tinge of sadness that I looked around Times Square that first time, trying to find that RENT billboard that wasn't there.
But as if on cue, "La Vie Boheme" came on, and I| couldn't help but smile as I listened to Jonathan's celebration of all things Bohemian, and all things ALIVE! And I left the street having had one of the most fulfilling emotional experiences of my life!

Next was finding Broadway, taking my first ever New York subway and finding the main theatre district! (I also saw Tisch School of the Arts! *yearns* - GO IDINA!) and I found the Nederlander!
Which was dark.
Which was sad.
I never like to see a dark theatre - it makes me sad anyway...But seein the Nederlander with nothing in it, the stage door all boarded up and nothing on display - was particularly sad! It felt like in the end, what had RENT closed for?
Nothing - a  production of "Guys and Dolls" that finnished its run early due to poor sales!!!

But hey - I guess I missed my shot. THANK GOD for the DVD of the final performance!!!
So yeah - this has been a loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooong post, I apologise! But it was really a day I want to savor and be able to share!
I did more, but this took up most of my day, and I think this is the thing that really made my trip what it was. I'm sure I will post again soon, but until then...I'm gonna go watch RENT to cheer myself up!
So remember...

"Forget Regret - or life is yours to miss.
No other road - no other way.
NO DAY BUT TODAY!"

xxx

THANK YOU JONATHAN LARSON!!! - Forever remembered - forever missed.
 
 
Current Location: Study/library place
Current Mood: hmm...
Current Music: your face
 
 
28 August 2009 @ 04:30 pm

So I'm actually back now - arrived home this morning!
And I neglected my LJ posts over the rest of my trip - It was just so bloody busy!!! NYC is a tiring place!
So basically I'm gonna post some kinda catch-up entries so it's on here and also so I can remember it forever!

So Sunday 24th I had brunch with the cuz at a Greek in Astoria, Queens. I liked it a lot, very laid back and chic. Then we went to see Wicked!!!
I was looking forward to it but have to admit I was a little worried that as it was the 8th time it may not have a major effect on me but I hadn't been since last year so it had been a looooooon while in my standards!
And...luckily for me...it was FUCKING BRILLIANT!!!
Michelle was back as Nessarose! So I got to see the frieking ORIGINAL Nessa! HARDCORE OR WHAT!?
I also think SJP's fellow Parker cousin who was in the OBC of RENT was Dr. Dillamond! Also hardcore!!!
Didn't go to stage door though which I probably should have - but I'm really not that bothered!
We also had the stand-in Elphaba, which I didn't know until afterwards and I genuinely couldn't believe it because she was so increddible!!! Like seriously - it took the three leads about 10/15 mins to warm into the roles but then they nailed everything fantastically! And it REALLY got through to me again on a deep emotional level,the music at times becoming almost transcendant as voices just blended perfectly!
The Broadway voices impress me a LOT! So clear, so vibrant, and actually very varied and original at times - something the West End voices occasionally lack.

So yeah, then dinner at "south West" @ Battery Park really near the water! It was cool! Then we walked along the shore "Like youve walked a thousand times befoooore..."
*Ahem*
Sorry - short Jonathan Larson interlude there... "LOVE HEALS!"
So that was cool, and I saw the statue of Liberty from a loooooooong way off!

Then a bumpy ride home, and we watched Batman - Dark Knight - in HD on a TV screen pretty much as wide as a double bed!

It was another awesome day in NYC - getting a feel for the city without being on my own just yet! - And I started to understand what people say about each neighbourhood having a slightly different feel! - Some scarier than others I must admit!
All I can say is thank God i was in the good bit of the Bronx!

S until next time, I will leave it at that. Another recap of another day in NYC - Nest City EVER!!!
Laterzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
(Jet lag)

 
 
Current Location: Study/library place
Current Mood: tiredtired
Current Music: your mum
 
 
23 August 2009 @ 08:56 am
SO, I've now officially spent my first night in The Bronx!
After a GREAT night at "In The Heights" which was delightful - and I got to meet a closing cast member of RENT!!!!!!!! we set off for The Bronx.
I arrived early in the morning (well early for the 10am riser that is me!) because apparently we had "plans in the city." I had a small glimmer of hope when I was wondering what this surprise might be but I dared not believe it!
So I get to the Bronx at 9am and remember...wait, my cousin rides a massive red motorbike!!!

I can tell you right now...there is NOTHING like doing 90 on an American freeway heading right into central Manhattan right by the water - on the back of a massive red motorbike!
THAT is an experience I will never forget!
And hopefully be repeating really soon!

So yes, we get into the centre of the city and I see the Gershwin ahead, NOOOOO! NEVER!? *GASP* COULD IT BE!?
YES! It bloody well was!
I went "Behind the emerald curtain" and got to hear all about what it takes to actually get Wicked onstage 8 times a week...in 9 different running productions!!!
I have to say though, the ultimate hilight was seeing the ORIGINAL Elphaba Act 2 dress worn by Idina herself! THAT one choked me up a bit! It was just so astonishingly detailed and beautiful. And to me - an utter glorifier of the world of theatre, it was a little like looking at a piece of history.
Just an absolutely priceless moment that blew me away!!!

But alas it had to end and we entered the rafle for front row seats of the matine...





Didn't win  :-P
But it was cool, because my other birthday present from my cousin was tickets to see Wicked! So we are going to the Sunday show today!
I also tried my first twinkie (true Jonathan Larson fan I am I wanted my chance t dance around singing "Sugar so sweet - dodo do do do...") which was an experience I may repeat - but not often!

Now for lunch...AT THE FUCKING LIFE CAFE!
I cannot BELIEVE that I can now say I had Juevos Rancheros at the Life Cafe! And signed the RENTHead register - volume 4! What an AWESOME thing to say I did! I was SO BLOODY EXCITED!!!

After that we lined up for a couple of hours for $25 tickets to see "Fuerza Bruta - Look up" which is a VERY modern piece of acrobatic performance art theatre. I also got my first copy of the Village Voice! (Still very RENT! Adverts for Aids testing, Gay and Bi matchmaking, offers to pay healthy crack/cocaine adicts if the get tested...)

So we actually managed the cheap tickets (YEY!) and had an experience like I have never had before! It was like acrobatics/dance/trance/rave and by the end everyone was soaking wet and dancing in the fake, indoor rain!
I thought - bloody typical - I spend all day with my umbrella whenever it rains, brush my hair when my helmet is off, and its INDOORS where I get my hair all messed up by the rain!

But it was bloody cool man! If anyone knows of it, go see it! In fact have a few beers first. If it's still there when I come back again I think I will do that - and THAT will be an experience!
Anyone who saw the Eurovision song contest, I'm actualy pretty sure they were on it! Women in a massive - basically paddling pool - right above your head - looking down at you - slamming and splashing around...
AWESOME man! But I will say no more...

Then it was a meal at a Japanese restaurant as we walked through the East Village after dark - an atmosphere I really liked. Japanese food? Enjoyed the tofu, that was strange but col - but sushi/general fish...CREEPS ME OUT man!

Last stop, well not really a stop at all - a drive around the city at night.
The empire state building - though meaning nothing to me in the sense that it's just another big famous building in New York - was so breathtaking to see that at that moment, I fell in love with New York.
The rest of the cty was also an experience...The Upper West side with its lack of funky cool fire escapes but covered in trendy restaurants...Harlem where I'm glad I was wearing a biker jacket as I did feel rather single-white-female...Washington heights - where I can report people DON'T sing and dance to rap songs on the streets (sadly)...and then on the fast roads, wind whooshing through my hair again!
Back over bridges, seeing the skyline first from far away, then a bit closer, then RIGHT on the outskirts where every building in Manhattan rose above one another seemingly in an effort to overshaddow the next!

So - I think you'll agree...QUITE a day eh!?


As for NYC...I began to feel the different vibes in each area of the cirt. Althought not always comfortable yet in some of the less commercialised areas it was really cool to get to feel that. Literally a block can make a huge difference to the feel of the city made up of every culture imaginable!!!

As for the future - well it's only been one day, but I've done so much, and I still have so much to do! So much more than I could possibly do in the mere days I have left! I keep going to and fro in my thoughts. One moment I am DETERMINED to spend a year, or at least a few months, in the city, feeling what it's REALLY like to live in the most increddible city in the world!
But then, a few moments later I change my mind and it all seems a little too much to ask myself to actually want to live here for a sustained period of time.
But isn't that what the city does? Especially on your first full day...you can see New York through the eyes of a fmily who live in the suburbs on Mahopac out with the lakes and the trees - even if the father works in the city every day. But to ride around on a bike to all the different areas is a different thing entirely.
I want to want to live there for a while - you only live once eh? So why not experience that real Bohemian slice'olife. But at the moment I'm just enjoying the city for what it is to a newbie...exciting, interesting, a little overwhelming, but ttaly engulfing in style, substance and its utter uniqueness as a place!

As for today?
WICKED BABY! And who knows what else!

We're in NYC man...The possibilities are endless...
 




 
 
Current Mood: interested/excited
Current Music: The bells and whistles going off in my head.
 
 
So I finally worked up the courage to fly to the legendary NYC! Woah!
It may be a RENTless city but it is NYC nonetheless.
Well...actually, I'm in the suburbs of Mahopac right now, a good couple of hours from Manhattan. But it's cool. I guess I'm getting eased into things with a good ol' slice of suburban life...that is, their back garden leads onto a lake. Ha.
They've all been really nice and today they took me to the Met, and I got to see my first bit of NYC in the form of a good ol' art gallery! The roof looked out onto Central Park and Manhattan, and although an entirely odd vision (It liooks like someone dug a hole in NYC's downtown district and planted a few trees boxed in by MASSIVE skyscrapers) it was pretty darn cool!

I haven't felt that NYC energy yet that I REALLY yearn for, in fact it all seemed rather homely, but I'm hoping that'll all change - either tomorrow when I make my first visit (of many - I hope - on this trip!) to Broadway to see "In The Heights." - I am REALLY hoping Broadway to knock my socks off and really inspire me - because, really, it's my dream!
But anyway, if that doesn't happen, I've got another few days of living in The Bronx! Two words...HARD -CORE!

I'll get to spend the weekend with my NYC-soned (see what i did there? Seasoned...C-soned. ARF!) cousin and then Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday during the day - exploring the city on my own. Which I am looking forward to, as I want to immerse myself in the rhythms and general hustle and bustle of this - the most kerayzee of cities!
Not to mention - I need to complete my RENT-trail. Unfortunately it won't end in seeing the show *wipes tear* but it will mean I've seen the setting and history of Alphabet City Bohemian-Style!

So yeah, it's all pretty cool and rather strange to think about - and I REALLY hope I'll fall in love with the city I so desperately want to fit with!

I'm sure I'll post here again soon, if I get the time, and update (not that people care anyway, lol!) whether it lived up to expectations or not.
Until then...BROADWAY BABY!!!

xxx
 
 
Current Mood: Hopeful
Current Music: shuffled ipod
 
 
 
29 June 2009 @ 10:30 pm
So, a few days ago MJ himself died...
SAD!

I heard at my school prom of all places! The DJ suddenly played an MJ meddley in memory of Michael Jackson who had recently died. I was like WTF!?
I was actually much sadder than I thought I'd be, having got into his music properly early this year. He really was a pioneer...THE BEST!

I think it's really cool though, that so many people care so much! The next day the channels were littered with tribute documentaries and vidoe playlists! MTV had like 3 MJ specials going at the same time man! I know he had a lot of scandal surrounding his life and family affairs, but I genuinely believe he will be remembered for his music, and what he has done for the business and the World.

I don't believe for one second he hurt those kids. The man was just naive. What he did would be considered a little bad-taste but he clearly didn't know any better, and it seemed genuine. He wasn't convicted and I think it should all be left at that! They conducted an investigation and the charges were cleared...GET OVER IT!

This did make me think though, about other people like him taken before their time.
It's like this thing I keep talking about with Jonathan Larson, and people like that, and it seems to me, to confirm my belief, that there are a select group of people put on this earth to create something truly special, to change the world and leave their mark. Then, once their job is done, they just leave, and let us cherish their creations forever.
True talent and creation in an individual is fleeting in this world, and people can be torn apart, but what is so special about the human race is our ability to document and remember.

We all know we will never forget this truly remarkable man! And so as "Man in the Mirror" (Shout out to my main man Glenn Ballard there!) climbs up to Number 1 in the English charts and his album sales surge again, it shows us that true talent won't be forgotten, and so out of this tragic end to a great, great man, we can take something from him yet again, and the blossoms of a future of creation and change can once again grow from this man who, over 25 years ago, revolutionised Pop.

Let's carry on creating revolutions, moving forward, but always looking back and saying thank you to the people who inspired us, and led the way for us to create our own new revolutions.
Because to me, that's a big part of the talent this man, among others, possessed...creating something groundbreaking, and inspiring the next generation to create and inspire themselves, always moving forward.

So thank you Michael Jackson, for your talent, and your music.
You will be greatly missed and always remembered!
Rest In Peace xxx

 
 
Current Location: Study
Current Mood: thoughtfuland thankful
Current Music: Michael Jackson
 
 
03 June 2009 @ 11:13 pm

I just finished watching the DVD of the Last ever performance of RENT on Broadway...and it was THE BEST DVD I EVER BOUGHT!
OMFG! I didn't have high hopes for the cast particularly, but the show was INCREDDIBLE! And the filmwork was ACE!
The extras were beautiful too!

And I cried SO MUCH! ... like SOOOOOOOO MUCH! Haha!
I just wish it was still going - I started saving to go see it, and I am travelling to America this Summer hopefully...A YEAR TOO FUCKING LATE!
I will forever regret (no matter how much I try and forget it!) that I never saw it at its home - but I am hugely thankful for the DVD...it's almost like closure.     Almost...
I hope when I go that wall will still be there - and maybe I'll get the chance to sign it along with 12 years of RENTheads and all those celebrities who came before me. May it always remain as a shrine in remembrance of what Jonathan Larson managed to create.

To me, RENT is living (Yes...LIVING) proof of the power of theatre and creativity to change lives...hell, fuckit...change the WORLD! 
And again - as I wrote in my last post (on a similar topic funnily enough lol) - watching it remined me of why I wanna do this thing...because it's about sharing a message and reaching people.

When I watch RENT, it feels like something so totally different to anything else in the world...it's like emotion and depth, but on a whole other level! Like finding a new colour, or seeing someone you love who you haven't seen in years.
To me, RENT IS an emotion - all of its own. And nobody has ever or will evr match it.

Jonathan Larson dying was a terrible thing - but in a way the timing was perfect. Anthony Rapp said something similar in his book - maybe Jonathan had given all he had to give, maybe he'd purged himself of what he needed to release - and maybe it was time to just leave it to whatever power there is out there...
Strokes of pure genius and enlightenment are always fleeting...true genius and creativity and talent only comes along once in a while - it can't last in this world.
I guess you just have to try and grab it while you can - and hope what's left is a true representation of a remarkable and irreplacable spirit. Somehow when we watch RENT or listen to the music, Jonathan is there...and that's amazing.

To anyone who hasn't seen RENT, or doesn't know what it was about, or didn't "get" it and didn't like it, I'm sure this will all sound rediculous and trite...self-gratifying and indulgent. But to me, it's belief...it's like this fuel that makes me believe that in the end, things will be heard, and hope will forever live on.

It's funny that through all this shit - hope is the best quality us meager humans have. Constant, endless hope.

I know I've ended up turning Jonathan Larson into this Jesus-like figure...Hell, I don't even know if God exists, but it's little pieces of genius and inspiration like this that give me hints. I'm a spiritual person I guess, hopeful...naive maybe...and I have so many faults you wouldn't believe, (one of them being letting my mind run away with me and babbling for pages and pages...) but I refuse to lose the faith and belief that I can try and carry on, try and better myself.
"No Day But Today" is like a mantra for me...it's something I have yet to master. Unfortunately in my world forgetting regret just doesn't happen. Take for example (rather ironically!!!) I was GUTTED I didn't get to see RENT's final performance, and a year later I still TOTALLY am!!! I didn't even know who Idina Menzel was (WTF!!!) until she'd left Wicked and I'm GUTTED I didn't get to see her in that too! Ha! And there are so many things I should just let go that I can't...realy stupid things too.
But it's something I'm working on, and the idea of it certainly is appealing...

So, here's my mantra for you then..."GET THAT BLOODY DVD AND WATCH IT SO MUCH YOUR EYES BLEED!!!"
Yes..?

Not quite as poetic I'll admit...

Athanku...   :-P

Peace out, and may you all continue to live in hope, and a belief that in the end, it's all worth it when you find those moments of true peace and understanding. When you open yourself up to a new depth of emotion. (God I'm beginning to sound like a bloody Romantic...FUCKING ENGLISH A2!!!)

We could all live without fear of pain or hurt, we could cut ourselves off from feeling...
But in the end...that wouldn't be living at all...

xxx

 
 
Current Location: Stud/Library place
Current Mood: alive
Current Music: "No day but todaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay"
 
 

First off, HAPPY BIRTHDAY IDINA MENZEL! (yey)

Ok so, I just got back from the last West-End performance of Spring Awakening!
It...was...FANTASTIC!!! I'd seen it before at the Lyric pre West-End but I rekon this time it was even better! The passion and dedication the whole cast and band put into that performance was INCREDDIBLE! - Haven't seen anything like it.

I find it increddibly saddening that it has been forced to close so early - I didn't expect it to, and frankly it did NOT deserve to! It makes me really angry that such genuinely exciting, moving and - in my opinion - important shows don't get the attention they deserve whereas piles of shit like We Will Rock You continue to prosper!!! (That show won't die soon enough as far as I'm concerned!)

It's even sadder that so many people wh could have been helped or changed by it will now never get the chance! I am a FULL believer in the power of the Theatre to affect and change people, and I also truly believe this musical has the potential to do so...THIS is the musical that you take a musical-hater to...you know, those people who say..."Oh but theyr so gay - they SING man! Why are they SINGING!? PEOPLE DONT SING!" Well take them to see this and they will see why, as each song explodes out with an urgency - and often defiance. So yeah, it was an important addition to the West End and shouldn't have gone!
But hey things happen, and it pisses me the fuck off but I'm gonna have to deal with it!

Tonight was increddible though - it was the first "final performance" I've been to and it was insane! There was passion and devotion and comradeship all around, and the theatre buzzed!
The cheers went on for a goot 15/20 minutes after the show was over - and they even (as predicted by moi!) did a reprise of the end of Totally Fucked, which was AWESOME! I just wanted to jump around and scream! Aha!

But most of all, tonight was one of those experiences I often have at the theatre, which solididfies my belief in it as an art and a lifestyle! It's a community I want to be a part of so much it hurts! And I know that the likelihood of what I'm working on atm becoming even a vague sucess is SO unlikely, and the idea of me getting into a good acting school and forging a career is ludicrous...but  for me, it's something I just have to do...to try. I just HAVE to!
Like Johnny in Tick, Tick...BOOM! - He wanted something more - he wanted to create smething that could change peoples lives for the better, something that would be remembered and would really make a difference! And fuckit, HE DID!

Shows like Spring Awakening or RENT (and even Wicked in some ways) show me just what you can achieve with belief and passion and of course - talent.
The theatre is a medium worth fighting for above all others. Honestly I wouldn't be who I am today if I wasn't dragged along to Wicked on 13th February 2007, and then watched the film RENT after the 2nd time I went to see wicked on - i believe - 13th APRIL???
In fact I think it was the second time that really did it...made me reaise that if a show could still affect me so much the second time round then the the world of the theatre was something worth becoming a part of. And now I have it constantly proven to me how right I am!
The West End needs more shows like Wicked/SpringAwakening/RENT, written by people with real passions and who realy care!

Spring Awakening for example - I WISH my head of 6th form had seen!  Because I felt it important she understood about the oppression the youth still faces! We have become the "Underclass" of our very society through no reason than the fact we were born in the 90's instead of the 60's!
And more people need to be putting themselves out there, making statements and changing things - and why not do that creatively!

I thank God, whoever he/she/it/they are for helping me find myself just that little bit more, and helping me realise what I need - deep in myself - to do, and to persue.
I just hope it works out...

*Sigh*

But now I guess I should draw this random rant to a close by saying THANK YOU SPRING AWAKENING!
You deserved more than you got! xxxxx



Oh, and HOW PISSED OFF AM !? I got a free magnet tonight, and I got a little too excited by it! (Like literally) but I DON'T KNOW WHERE IT'S GONE! And I can't find a place where you can buy them ANYWHERE!!! I literally almost cried when I found out and I JUST missed out on buying a new one (And I turned down my friends offer to give me hers - HOW FUCKING STUPID AM !?!?!?) because I got there as they sold out!!!
GAH! - You know when you like set your heart on something and you just can't get it out of your head!? No matter how irrational you know you're being it doesnt change anything! I planned a place on my radiator for it and everything! Like, I got seriously excited! And now I've fucking LOST IT!   :-(
Genuinely gutted...

 
 
Current Music: Song of Purple Summer is in my head...
 
 


I just reread a few of my past entries (woah it's been a while! My last one doesn't seem over 3 months ago!!!) and there appears to be this theme I keep returning to...my future.
And every time I return to it, it changes a little bit, and I have obviously changed a little bit.

Well, now the issues that I talked about in that last post...2 of them are sorted and the offers are in place. It's just the acting auditions left. And then decisions.

Stuff is so busy at the moment I hardly have any time to just think, though I suppose I do, and sacrifice my studies in order to, lol! I've also got new people in my life, friendships, relationships that both enrich and complicate my life to extremes!
But it's all living isn't it...
And that's definitely something!

I was thinking...I think it was yesterday???
That I can't really imagine my life in the future in terms of me. I was listening to "30/90" I believe from Larsons musical "Tick,Tick...BOOM!" and in it the lead voices his fears and concerns about turning 30. And that got me thinking about being 30, which to me seems...not old...but not nearby either. But I can't imagine myself in this position...I can't imagine not being a "kid." It's odd to think that everything will change, I won't be going to the same school in about 4 months time, I won't live in the same place with the same people forever, I will begin a whole new chapter of my life soon and I have NO idea what that chapter will be, or who I will be when I get there...

I thought of "Friends" when Rachel turns 30, or when Phoebe realises she's literally lost a year of her life. About Jonathan Larson writing about his fears at 29 that he was wasting his life in vain, that he was no longer relevant...
Which is ironic as about 15 years later a 17 year-old RENT obsessive is currently listing his work - which he never even released himself - as inspiration for thought.
But he never knew just how relevant he was, because he died before RENT even went to Broadway. He never even saw what his "masterpiece" could do for the world, for the people in it.

And I suppose that is what I would like...to be relevant.
I don't need to be rich and famous, the more I think about it the more fitting 'penniless artiste' seems to fit my ethos of life.

 

I want to be creative and I want to be expressive, and to have the opportunity to express myself to an audience of equally expressive groups and individuals.
I want to write a musical - something like RENT and Wicked that really connects, that can truly change people. I have political agenda's. I know I'm smart and I know I have opinions, and I want to do something about the issues I have opinions on, even if it's a musical finger-up to "the man"
I want to drum in a band and maybe session...drumming is just fantastic!!!
I want to act! BOY do I wanna! I know how amazing it is to sit in a seat and have someone stand onstage in front of you and just bare themselves and take a risk right there. It's terrific and lifechanging to see!
And I want to write other things, plays, crits etc...

All of it is possible. But not probable...
I suppose I have to see whether I do in fact have the talent and drive.
But gah this has been all about me, and it shouldn't be. Because as self-indulgent as I can be, and often am...
I want to make a difference and help people.
Artistically.
And I suppose, if that's your reason for doing what you wanna do and being who you wanna be, whether you become rich and famous and share it with a million, or with just 200 people who really care...
That's ok.

Because it's real, and it's true, and it's honest.
And there should be more people in the world willing to live like that.
 

I know that my generation gets loaded upon, and yeah we're not all nice...there are some REAL twats at age 17...18...19 at the moment! But we're not all killers, we're not all yobs.
And the more I think about it, the more I think that this generation of young people, could really be the generation that changes the world. Because together, we can really do great things. Even small things. It all adds up!

This may be a rather Romantic ideal, in fact it probably is.
But as much as the future scares me...it also excites me! I want to see what the young people of this world can do! To help people, places, everything!!! To change the world!!!!

So to anyone reading this...come on! Let's make this future we all share fucking AWESOME!
Lets be free, lets fuck-up, lets learn, lets share our hopes and dreams! And lets make em happen!

I believe in my generation and I think I always will...

 
 
Current Music: "30 90 30 30 90 ooooo"
 
 
11 March 2009 @ 08:38 pm

I just reread a few of my past entries (woah it's been a while! My last one doesn't seem over 3 months ago!!!) and there appears to be this theme I keep returning to...my future.
And every time I return to it, it changes a little bit, and I have obviously changed a little bit.

Well, now the issues that I talked about in that last post...2 of them are sorted and the offers are in place. It's just the acting auditions left. And then decisions.

Stuff is so busy at the moment I hardly have any time to just think, though I suppose I do, and sacrifice my studies in order to, lol! I've also got new people in my life, friendships, relationships that both enrich and complicate my life to extremes!
But it's all living isn't it...
And that's definitely something!

I was thinking...I think it was yesterday???
That I can't really imagine my life in the future in terms of me. I was listening to "30/90" I believe from Larsons musical "Tick,Tick...BOOM!" and in it the lead voices his fears and concerns about turning 30. And that got me thinking about being 30, which to me seems...not old...but not nearby either. But I can't imagine myself in this position...I can't imagine not being a "kid." It's odd to think that everything will change, I won't be going to the same school in about 4 months time, I won't live in the same place with the same people forever, I will begin a whole new chapter of my life soon and I have NO idea what that chapter will be, or who I will be when I get there...

I thought of "Friends" when Rachel turns 30, or when Phoebe realises she's literally lost a year of her life. About Jonathan Larson writing about his fears at 29 that he was wasting his life in vain, that he was no longer relevant...
Which is ironic as about 15 years later a 17 year-old RENT obsessive is currently listing his work - which he never even released himself - as inspiration for thought.
But he never knew just how relevant he was, because he died before RENT even went to Broadway. He never even saw what his "masterpiece" could do for the world, for the people in it.

And I suppose that is what I would like...to be relevant.
I don't need to be rich and famous, the more I think about it the more fitting 'penniless artiste' seems to fit my ethos of life.

 

I want to be creative and I want to be expressive, and to have the opportunity to express myself to an audience of equally expressive groups and individuals.
I want to write a musical - something like RENT and Wicked that really connects, that can truly change people. I have political agenda's. I know I'm smart and I know I have opinions, and I want to do something about the issues I have opinions on, even if it's a musical finger-up to "the man"
I want to drum in a band and maybe session...drumming is just fantastic!!!
I want to act! BOY do I wanna! I know how amazing it is to sit in a seat and have someone stand onstage in front of you and just bare themselves and take a risk right there. It's terrific and lifechanging to see!
And I want to write other things, plays, crits etc...

All of it is possible. But not probable...
I suppose I have to see whether I do in fact have the talent and drive.
But gah this has been all about me, and it shouldn't be. Because as self-indulgent as I can be, and often am...
I want to make a difference and help people.
Artistically.
And I suppose, if that's your reason for doing what you wanna do and being who you wanna be, whether you become rich and famous and share it with a million, or with just 200 people who really care...
That's ok.

Because it's real, and it's true, and it's honest.
And there should be more people in the world willing to live like that.
 

I know that my generation gets loaded upon, and yeah we're not all nice...there are some REAL twats at age 17...18...19 at the moment! But we're not all killers, we're not all yobs.
And the more I think about it, the more I think that this generation of young people, could really be the generation that changes the world. Because together, we can really do great things. Even small things. It all adds up!

This may be a rather Romantic ideal, in fact it probably is.
But as much as the future scares me...it also excites me! I want to see what the young people of this world can do! To help people, places, everything!!! To change the world!!!!

So to anyone reading this...come on! Let's make this future we all share fucking AWESOME!
Lets be free, lets fuck-up, lets learn, lets share our hopes and dreams! And lets make em happen!

I believe in my generation and I think I always will...